Keep your hands off my new commission was president Jose Manuel Barroso’s message during his third question hour in parliament on Tuesday.

Austrian Socialist deputy Hannes Swoboda wanted to know if Barroso was “in principle” ready to accept that commissioners’ portfolios could be swapped if MEPs deemed it necessary during hearings in January.

As if Barroso was going to voluntarily let that genie out of the bottle again.  “We should concentrate more on matters of policy (and) of substance,” he sniffed before reminding the (near-empty) chamber that after five years he’s in a safe enough position to judge how to internally organise the commission.

But it was a curiously anemic exchange. Martin Schulz, leader of the Socialists and always good for a fight – whether one is warranted or not – sat slumped in his chair.

The topic de jour – the 2020 economic strategy – did make an appearance and in Barroso’s case always in the same sentence as “full ownership.” This is shorthand for making it painful for member states not to hold to their strategic promises. Alas, this appears more difficult than actually drawing up the strategy itself. There should be ways of “measuring progress” said Barroso vaguely at one stage.

If any member state held a Minaret-building referendum, à la Suisse, asked far-right MEP Marine Le Pen at one point, would the result be recognized by the EU? That’s a hypothetical question, said Mr Barroso dismissively. No it’s not, she replied.

There followed a brief grammar lesson.

“My French may not be as good as yours,” began Barroso - a sentence construction which always indicates the user believes the opposite – “If you use the word ‘if’, that’s a hypothetical question.”

And the rules of the game remain something of a mystery.  Please tell me you can see that I want to ask a question so I can stop jumping around, begged a deputy in the middle of the debate. At one point, the blue card – which people can hold up in order to spontaneously contribute a word – could not be used “because it is a discussion between two people,” said EP chief Jerzy Buzek, apparently trying to make things clearer.

He pleaded (twice), futilely as it turned out, for MEPs to consider whether two questions really can be answered in one minute. “Don’t give two questions in two minutes. Which (question of yours) do you prefer?” The deputy concerned evidently considered both his questions to be gems.

Buzek might also have referred to lengthy or dramatic introductions to questions – perhaps next time. “Even in the dark days of recession, you can dream of utopia,” began one MEP breathlessly.

One hour a month of skating over a multitude of topics is apparently not enough however. MEPs want more face-time with the commission president. At the end of the session, a British MEP reminded Barroso that he has a “huge salary.” Surely one that merited at least 30 more minutes of question time, he queried rather belligerently.

There was a small pause to let that one sink in.

“Mr President Barroso is smiling very politely. But we have to see about that,” said Buzek. Actually, it was Buzek who was being polite at that particular juncture. You couldn’t see Barroso for the dust.